"Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth." - Madeleine L'Engle
I have encountered this word so many times this week. I have lost a relationship because of this word. People get sick and experience anxiety because of this word. People forget what matters most because of this word.
Ideas for writing surfaces during nightmorn after quite a few restless moments yesterday. Bombarded by busy-ness and work issues I had to put this on hold for a bit. But I'm glad it has surfaced in my conversation with Adi this morning. adrienne: just keep the process organic. ORGANIC. me: i'll take note of that in my journal me: how do you keep a process ORGANIC adrienne: like just feel your way through it. dont try to analyze write down anything that surfaces in your head if it surfaces, it means something and just keep praying for the play/story to stay with you and ask you to write it. I was telling her about how difficult it is for me hold on to a thought I want to write about especially when I get busy or feel anxious or experience a strain in a relationship. Yesterday I was jotting down my thoughts on my journal and realized how much I think about a lot of things. I wasn't sure if I was being coherent at all as I let the words just declutter themselves on paper. But …
I am not so sure about what to say at the start of the New Year. All I know is that I find myself ever so carefully treading into this new day. Not so hyped up about all the greetings and cheer. Not so dazzled by the fireworks and the thrill of frenzied laughter. Perhaps I can say that I'm going into this year quite reflectively. Not rushing into anything. Not hurrying into anything. Primarily because I'd like to begin it again by acknowledging that there is this so-called thing as unforced rhythms of grace. Something I have started to live by the start of 2010 but somehow found it buried under a heap of busy obligations and unforseen circumstances. I spent today by going to 7am mass with my family. We went to St. Therese of the Child Jesus Parish like we always do for the past 33 years of my life. We never miss 7am mass despite the late New Year's Eve family gathering. I wasn't quite awake yet when we sat on the pews but I was awake enough to notice that o…
I look at the second to the last post I've written and saw that it's been exactly a year. How uncanny is that?
I've scattered my thoughts in many different places but still one place beckons me to stay still. To write to believe. It seems like an anthem that I'm hearing. A sheep's horn begging me to come out from hiding.
And I am.
The year has been difficult. There were relationships I had to let go of and relationships that I've chosen to keep. There were duties that I had to stick out for and woundedness that I had to face. It's been a sifting kind of year and it wasn't easy. I am amazed that I am still here alive and grateful for unexpected places of grace.
I've chosen to simplify many things. Like the way I write and the way I live. I realized how difficult it is to keep having to shape-shift around many people. They won't always be like me and I will not always receive what I need from everybody even if I put 100% of me i…