"Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth." - Madeleine L'Engle
I have encountered this word so many times this week. I have lost a relationship because of this word. People get sick and experience anxiety because of this word. People forget what matters most because of this word.
It took me a week to finally choose a poem I resonated with among the six poems I was assigned to reflect on through the ancient practice of sacred reading called lectio divina. The experience of being in a writing course (albeit online) has given me the liberation to explore the power of words and unearth the gift I know I've long locked within. The gift of realizing I have the same power as well.
My writing process was a painful unraveling. I could not write immediately. I could not catch the thought and pin it down on paper. I tried reading other books that would get the flow of creativity going and to no avail the anxiety caught on and forced me to take a break. So I did. And went back on it again this weekend. I had to recalibrate my mind for 2 hours. Removing the residue of the business mind that forces me to constrict my definitions of life in a less human sounding voice. I began my meditatio of Yehuda Amichai's "The Amen Stone".
I look at the second to the last post I've written and saw that it's been exactly a year. How uncanny is that?
I've scattered my thoughts in many different places but still one place beckons me to stay still. To write to believe. It seems like an anthem that I'm hearing. A sheep's horn begging me to come out from hiding.
And I am.
The year has been difficult. There were relationships I had to let go of and relationships that I've chosen to keep. There were duties that I had to stick out for and woundedness that I had to face. It's been a sifting kind of year and it wasn't easy. I am amazed that I am still here alive and grateful for unexpected places of grace.
I've chosen to simplify many things. Like the way I write and the way I live. I realized how difficult it is to keep having to shape-shift around many people. They won't always be like me and I will not always receive what I need from everybody even if I put 100% of me i…
I wrote this a week ago on a different space. I've totally forgotten about this page and right now I'm asking God what He really wants me to do with it. So many things have happened the past few months and I've been recovering from a lot of things. From immense burn out. From relationship fall outs. From losing fragments of myself in this transitory period of my life.
But during Holy Week I found myself coming into wholeness again. Able to listen to myself and hear God a little bit more closely.
This is what I went through during 4 days of silence.
I've never experienced a silent retreat before until this year. I decided to go because I felt that for the longest time I lived such a noisy life. This noise comes in many forms. Exterior noise and interior noise. When the noise becomes overbearing it becomes hard to hear yourself or God. So this year I made a decision to go on a silent retreat that spanned the entire Holy Week.
I had many thoughts and fears goin…