i write to believe.

I have been reading Heather King's latest book entitled Shirt of Flame this weekend.  I've felt it finally calling me and found myself hungrily absorbing all the words.  I somehow hit a low spot after a busy week and found myself asking those questions again that led me to wondering what am I really supposed to do in this life?   The awful feeling of being locked in on a circumstance that is beyond my control puts me in a situation greatly in need of contemplation.  So I find myself wading in her words that allow me to feel what I'm feeling and learn how to be comfortable with the tensions that normally come with growing up.  Here are a few of my favorites so far. ...Yes, I'm deeply grateful to be sober and to have been supported by a job as a lawyer for a time, but it's not for me.  I can't and won't do such work anymore, and if I have to be thought of as a quitter, disappoint my parents, bewilder my [now ex-] husband, and possibly beco...

I stumbled upon Heather King's blog late last year.  I'm halfway through her 2nd memoir REDEEMED.  I was so happy to have found her presence online because I hungered for words that were incarnations of thoughts traveling the lines between the secular and the sacred.  This has always been a real struggle for me.  I never really quite know the right calibration.  I end up quite a mess when I'm swamped with work.  I also end up so lonely when I'm not doing anything.   Heather King writes about her journey towards authentic faith with so much realism and mysticism at the same time.  I think she's found the right balance and the right approach to the Catholic faith journey.  I hope I can be like her someday. This is a quote from her latest post.  It's an excerpt from an interview she had with a Christian magazine.  I like this quote because it expresses so much of what we go through.   I’m still struggling myself, for one thing...

I'm enjoying Heather King's latest posts today.  It's gotten me to an introspective rhythm despite this morning's firefighting issues over distressed employees and their motivation.  She writes to passionately about her views on life and her faith.  She writes courageously without a tinge of arrogance.  She writes honestly unashamed of the rough edges that need smoothening of her own person.   I like it when people admit that they have rough edges.  Sometimes we ignore the realities of the situation and just act all smoothened up and together.  It does not help those who find themselves struggling and can't keep their heart inside their chest.  I think this amount of pure honesty is healthy.  It forces me to look at the truth about human nature and see it's misery in the eyes of God.  Surely, misery of that intensity does not go unnoticed. In a few minutes, I will be stepping out of the office and drive towards the hills of Tagaytay. ...

I just finished reading Heather King's latest post "The City: Cavafy" . She writes about her past while recovering from alcoholism. Her words put me into a reverie. Sometimes I still dream of Merrimac Street, and the loft where I spent the darkest years of my alcoholic drinking, where I first experienced the deep, deep loneliness that formed me, where I got sober. I remember my own dark nights and many of them still recur as I write my way to wholeness. I came from a prayer meeting that reminded me of the cross and how it stands to save and not condemn. How the love that bled from tortured flesh, nailed hands and a pierced crown flowed to win my life redeemed. There are days when I am illuminated by these thoughts of faith and the spiritual life. And there are days when they are just empty words mixed with the battle in my head. I remember them tonight because today is one of those days when I feel my faith is working for me. It's one of those unexplainable thi...