Just Right Infront of Me

I thought I'd go back to one of my old routine of waking up with a camera today.  Well, before the camera was my journal.  I woke up to Holley Gerth's post talking about what to do when you don't know what to do next.  

It hit me that the one thing I can do is what is right infront of me. 

It's timely because mulling over this the past few days since I've officially ended the first week of the new year.  I could easily go back and say I'd like to structure my life outlined perfectly in a resume of sorts and submit it to corporations.  My left brain would click on it.  But my right would struggle and nag.  

If there is one thing I am beginning to accept about myself it is this: I like structured experiences but I don't want to be limited by them.  

These days, I find myself going about the days in a more peaceful rhythm.  The weight has been lifted and I can talk about things without the need to rush and be conscious of paying more attention to the present. 

I've been invited for 2 consultancy offers and initially things look daunting because I'm not sure how the rhythm of life will really go when I move forward into that direction.  But I feel hopeful.  I'm walking on unchartered territory.  It's definitely not my comfort zone.  But it also feels like the most natural thing for me to do.  Alongside that I'm also looking forward to helping my great-grand-uncle/aunt's foundation.  It's a semi-existent foundation but I feel that it can be more than just a place that donates to charity.  No need to reinvent the wheel but I feel that a sort of unravelling needs to happen for the purpose of that foundation to come into fruition. 

Altruistic.  I ran into someone who told me last week that it feels like I am looking for something more altruistic.  It's true.  I am.  I don't think I can engage in anything that is void of meaning.  But I also know that a lot of the things I do have been void of meaning because I cannot grab hold of the meaning after having abandoned my daily writing practice.  

So today I started with writing down my thoughts again.  The gifts list. This blog. A common place page of collected thoughts.  Unadulterated thoughts that washed over me like a free flow.  Suddenly I can hear myself and things became a little bit more focused.  The breathing in and out has now been steady.  I let out a sigh of satisfaction.

What is infront of me today?  

I wake up to the light of morning casting a soft glow on the fringes of my windowsill.  Noticing the dust and the cobwebs in corners that the broom didn't reach.  

The beckoning of sunlight casting within the framed doorway of my parents' room.  

The rays the staircase wall inviting me go to down for breakfast.  

The Beethoven Sonata sheet music laid open on the piano the night before. 

The dining room shadows and the three kings on the corner table.  Suddenly realising that it is my late grandfather's birthday.  He would have been 98 years old. 

When time slows down, I can have mornings like this.  There is the prolonging of the moment and gratitude rises from within.  I pray the rest of the days are filled with the unforced rhythms of grace such as this.


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