It took me a week to finally choose a poem I resonated with among the six poems I was assigned to reflect on through the ancient practice of sacred reading called lectio divina. The experience of being in a writing course (albeit online) has given me the liberation to explore the power of words and unearth the gift I know I've long locked within. The gift of realizing I have the same power as well.
My writing process was a painful unraveling. I could not write immediately. I could not catch the thought and pin it down on paper. I tried reading other books that would get the flow of creativity going and to no avail the anxiety caught on and forced me to take a break. So I did. And went back on it again this weekend. I had to recalibrate my mind for 2 hours. Removing the residue of the business mind that forces me to constrict my definitions of life in a less human sounding voice. I began my meditatio of Yehuda Amichai's "The Amen Stone".
I look at the second to the last post I've written and saw that it's been exactly a year. How uncanny is that?
I've scattered my thoughts in many different places but still one place beckons me to stay still. To write to believe. It seems like an anthem that I'm hearing. A sheep's horn begging me to come out from hiding.
And I am.
The year has been difficult. There were relationships I had to let go of and relationships that I've chosen to keep. There were duties that I had to stick out for and woundedness that I had to face. It's been a sifting kind of year and it wasn't easy. I am amazed that I am still here alive and grateful for unexpected places of grace.
I've chosen to simplify many things. Like the way I write and the way I live. I realized how difficult it is to keep having to shape-shift around many people. They won't always be like me and I will not always receive what I need from everybody even if I put 100% of me i…
There are many interesting things that have been happening to me these past 3 weeks. It's been a journey out of and into another chapter of my life. And this chapter is the chapter that makes me face that thing I want to do the most. Write.
The stories on this page have been slow because I've been trying to discover what it is that I want to really write about and when I ask myself this question, I begin to ask myself the most important question: what am I really about?
It doesn't feel so difficult to ask now compared to before. I'd squirm and I'd let my gaze wander off into a blank wall or I'd stiffen up and change the subject because I don't really want to dig in too deep and ask myself that because I fear the answer to that question. I fear having to say it out loud. I fear having to type it out here. What am I really about? I don't really know.
I don't really have it all figured out just yet. It's been a while since I've lo…