The Eat Pray Love Awakening
I just finished watching Eat, Pray, Love. I didn't realize that it was a 2 hour movie that would remind me of the most important thing in this journey to find my authentic writing voice. This journey is really to find my authentic self.
At 33 I'm ashamed to say I have not been able to truly find that. But I suppose I'm not the only one who is going through this crisis of some sort in the world. Like Liz Gilbert, I'm going through this seeking with very much the same intentions.
And I realized a few things despite the occasional feeling of being rocked out of balance.
- I have this tendency to escape into spiritual activities because it makes me avoid having to deal with the messy realities of not finding my own solid ground
- I have this tendency to escape into relationships that feed my neediness
- I have this great big tendency for self-condemnation because it is the easiest way to control how I respond to uncontrollable circumstances
- I shy away from having to go through self-discovery and mask it by saying I am busy with other things
- I always thought prayer and religious practices are enough for self-discovery until I saw that I was just using them to escape the hidden tensions in myself
God, please help me stop escaping. And let me face what I need to face with my eyes open. Let me admit that I am afraid but at the same time hopeful. Let me quit brooding over failures instead let me already learn from them.
And in the middle of all the uncertainty, let me sit with the emotions with utmost calm. Because "the only way to heal, is to trust."