Unearthing Creative Strength
I think I've totally lost my creative rhythm this week. I'm a little bit frustrated since I have been starting to grasp it quite comfortably. Engaging in discussions with other writers and reading their work. Engaging in discussions with artists and philosophers who attempt to create another worldview of modern interactions on the web. Engaging with close friends on musing about God. These are the kinds of conversations that make me breathe. But since they happen so occasionally I find myself trying to create an opportunity to have these kinds of conversations at work.
I realized it is not easy for a lot of people to talk about things that are beyond skin deep. Most of them do not even look at work that way. Most of them would rather shut the door after they leave the office. Very few of them attempt to integrate their own personal life to the life they live for 8 hours in the work-place.
I used to be that way. I used to compartmentalize my work life from the rest of my life. I used to not really "care" about what I did at work because "it was just work". Yet this job brings food to the table. Allows me to help others in need. Allows me to get to places. Allows me expand my learnings. Allows me to dream for other horizons to reach. So I cannot, "not care" about work and the people in it. When I realized this a few years ago, I brought myself to accepting that I have to find a way to think about work in an integrated perspective with the rest of my life so that I can thrive in it.
Such is my challenge today. Faced with people who would gladly get things over with and take the next bus home. Faced with people who are stumped with a few retrospective questions and just end up lathering things up with humor because they are not able to build the conversation into a worthwhile piece worth listening to. Faced with people who are probably unaware of what they are not seeing and missing because they remain where they are -- comfort zones.
I used to be trapped in that mindset of self-preservation. But I realized I can't keep preserving myself forever. If I am to try and make a difference, I have to risk a part of myself. I have to venture outside my comfort zone. I have to want to be inconvenienced at times.
It's not easy, it's a lot of strain and a lot of interior sifting and shifting. Calibrating intestinal fortitude to measure up to the challenges of the work place needs to be my new favorite dessert. Yes, I can almost smell the vomit rising up my chest, but this is what I have to do to unearth that untapped strength I know is in there lying inside of me.
"He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world.", a voice whispers into the shadows of this early dawning of the day.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, of love, and of sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)