Like a Free Fall

I went upstairs to check up on my Mom.  She was sleeping on her new couch with her work clothes still on.  What prompted me was the music playing in the surround system.  Dad's music.  Perhaps from the CDs in their CD player that he left inside the last time he went home for a visit.  My dad's been living away from home for the past 6 years because of work.  He comes every two weeks.  I'm not sure if he's coming home this week because they had a fight.  

My parents have been married for 35 years and they have this marital wound that never seems to heal.  This week was one of those weeks in our lives that it got unearthed.

I'm not sure what to feel about the whole thing.  My mom just finished her chemotherapy and we're all just trying to get used to everything.  And now this wound.  Resurfacing again.  The burden at home right now is heavy.  The air is thick.  If the walls could talk, they would probably be screaming right this minute.  The loneliness and bitterness of unresolved hurt staining the air.  

How many burdens can one heart carry at a time?  

I'm not sure.  I'm not sure I can carry even more.  But I rest in God's words right now.  Prompted by the Spirit to check today's readings and found Psalm 119:165 saying:
For those who love what you reveal, everything fits--no stumbling in the dark for them.
It's not easy to wrap my mind around the precepts of a God I cannot see during this time but faith is about being able to contend with the seeming disconnections of one's understanding and just take that leap.  To just believe.  Like a free fall.  

I've always wanted to fly.  Maybe this is it.

My prayer for my family tonight.



Comments

  1. wow. sometimes it baffles me how strange our parents deal with pain and hurt in their own relationships. but maybe that's what being married to someone is about. it just seems a lot of hard work, not that it is a bad thing. acceptance and being able to move on after a fight is probably key. maybe yours and mine have that or at least they try, don't you think?

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  2. Yes, I think they do try. This weekend my parents are home and they did their "thing". It's having a foot massage together in our living room. So yeah, they try. Hehe. :)

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