There Must Be More Than This
|from adi's album: traces in spaces|
I just find myself reflecting on this photo this morning. It's from one of Adi's albums. One of my favorites I'd say. I've been staring at it and looking at the misty windows. The notes posted on the walls with hand torn masking tapes. The ball of yarn forgotten in the corner. The collecting dust on the sill. She easily notices things like that and oftentimes draws her into a quiet place of her own. Something I never really quite understood but have slowly begun to appreciate. During the past 3 years of her stay in London we've been keeping in touch and I've learned about her life through these photographs and occasionally her handwritten journals scanned for posterity on this page. I've often wondered why I have gravitated so much to her way of life and behind closed doors I always realize that it is because there's not much of this kind of rhythm in mine.
I don't know what this is telling me but for quite a while I have to admit, I haven't really been fully satisfied. Perhaps it is because I do not admit it to myself a lot or I do not try and discover what really makes me happy or sometimes, I think I already am. But this. Staring at this photo before I pack my things to go to work tells me that I need to make some changes and I need to start figuring out what kind of life I really want to live.
Surely I cannot be always content with Friday night happenings after prayer meeting or a 9 hour desk job that painfully makes me fragmented in my morals. Surely I cannot be content with conversations about the latest movie or the latest phrase that cracks people up and sends them off into a frenzy. I am in a hungry search for meaning. And I cannot stop. And I should not stop.
For there must be more than this.