Who I Am Now
In a few days I will have turned 34. I do not know what to feel about being 34 yet. It feels too old and yet I feel so young and inexperienced in many things. I feel that I have not explored life enough and for the most part of it, they're spent cooped up in a cubicle of gray walls. If someone were to ask my what my birthday wish for this year was, I would know what to say. I'd probably look through the list of deliverables I have for work or the list of prayer intentions I receive in my inbox.
This has been my life. And I have learned how to live with it and find meaning in every space there is to catch breath.
It's become very private and very solitary. I share thoughts with only a few people. I can last only a few moments in casual conversations. But I can spend hours listening to someone's pain. I can spend days absorbing someone's burden.
I always keep wondering about my life but I never really look at it. I always have a feeling that I can do more than what I am doing but I end up choosing restraint. One of these days I'm going to have to face all the questions I have about where I want to go and what I want to become. But I think I'll never really be able to do that until I am able to wrap my mind around who I am now.