The Maker who Makes Sense

I hit another middle of the week without being able to write as much as I want to but I've found these moments of breathing nonetheless.  Most are scribbles on my journal.  None of them as coherent as I would like I suppose.   But I shall try to work my way through the past few days and see what I come up with.

In my mind, I'm beginning to realize that there are so many things I try to pay attention to and only a few things that are really important.  

Right now, it's important that I survive the stifling feeling I always get when I step into my office and the hopelessness that comes along with it.  It is important that I continue to see God in situations such as this or in situations like arguing with the most irritating and disrespectful young person ever.  It is important that I continue to see God in situations that make me feel insignificant, betrayed or cheated upon.  It is important because I know that a cycle of anxieties will not give me freedom.  Finding peace amidst all of it will.  

I have a runny nose and I've been sneezing every few minutes.  It seems like I'm not on top form this week.  So many questions resurface again and again and yet I stop them silently to pause and hold the tension of uncertainty.  Staring at the tabernacle that holds His body.  A part of me felt consolation that I can hide inside this room.  The one inside His heart.  

I ran around the city today talking to people and trying to see opportunities for new business or new breakthroughs.  I don't belong here, I whispered to myself but instead of getting paralyzed with tension, I went right into it anyway.  It automatically clicks.  That part of my brain that locks into that work-pace and goes on autopilot "gotta get this done" it says.  

I hope I don't have to lock up my feelings all the time anymore.  I hope I find a way to find a bit of a release despite all this stifling.  And I hope I find the grace to offer all this up to the Maker who can make sense of all of these.