The Maker who Makes Sense
I hit another middle of the week without being able to write as much as I want to but I've found these moments of breathing nonetheless. Most are scribbles on my journal. None of them as coherent as I would like I suppose. But I shall try to work my way through the past few days and see what I come up with.
In my mind, I'm beginning to realize that there are so many things I try to pay attention to and only a few things that are really important.
Right now, it's important that I survive the stifling feeling I always get when I step into my office and the hopelessness that comes along with it. It is important that I continue to see God in situations such as this or in situations like arguing with the most irritating and disrespectful young person ever. It is important that I continue to see God in situations that make me feel insignificant, betrayed or cheated upon. It is important because I know that a cycle of anxieties will not give me freedom. Finding peace amidst all of it will.
I have a runny nose and I've been sneezing every few minutes. It seems like I'm not on top form this week. So many questions resurface again and again and yet I stop them silently to pause and hold the tension of uncertainty. Staring at the tabernacle that holds His body. A part of me felt consolation that I can hide inside this room. The one inside His heart.
I ran around the city today talking to people and trying to see opportunities for new business or new breakthroughs. I don't belong here, I whispered to myself but instead of getting paralyzed with tension, I went right into it anyway. It automatically clicks. That part of my brain that locks into that work-pace and goes on autopilot "gotta get this done" it says.
I hope I don't have to lock up my feelings all the time anymore. I hope I find a way to find a bit of a release despite all this stifling. And I hope I find the grace to offer all this up to the Maker who can make sense of all of these.