I am worn out God. My humanity is worn out. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. And today I humbly admit that before you. I am worn out. I am worn out by the physical and emotional demands of ministry. Worn out by the demands of my work. I am worn out. Have I admitted that to myself enough? Do people around me know that the past 10 years of being so involved with care-giving has worn me out? Yet despite this weariness I hunger desperately for the in-filling I know that only You can give.
Only in this weariness can I recognise my own neediness for such an in-filling that no one else can supply but You. No person. No accomplishment. No companionship. Nothing is enough when the weariness of man cracks the bone. Nothing but You Beloved.
Oh how I've seen You laced around fingers of their raised hands. In the dark room where prayer rose from the depths of broken hearts. I saw You God. I saw You wrestle with their woes & struggle to get them still enough to attend to their wounds. I saw You in their frenzy and I saw You in their doubts. I saw You as they groped and flailed their arms to try and get a hold of Yours.
And all this seeing somehow makes me ache to keep Your presence alive. Yet my humanity is not enough to contain it. And that is where the struggle of overcoming the weariness of the flesh begins to nag like an unrelenting gong waking up what has been put to sleep. While I know that I can always step into Your peace, I wonder greatly how this peace can continue to permeate the noise that is ever so present in this life. The chatter. The whispers.
Can You hover above us like a comforting blanket of Silence? Can You enfold us with such a great sense of safety so that we will not be afraid to Be Still? Can You teach us above all to follow through these days with a deep reverence that moves us into a posture of awe? And from this awe, can we begin to flow through a journey of authentic transformation that starts from our personal decision to just simply choose You above all?
I am worn out God. But it is in this weariness that I become desperate to be enclosed in Your tabernacle, listening to just You.