This Notion About Synthesis

For the past 5 years I can say that I have experienced this great writer's block which I have already admitted was a self-imposed one. Trying to get out of it is quite a feat. I have problems with getting myself organized when it comes to my creative process. I want to write about everything. And I end up not writing anything at all. There exists this tough inner critic that I have not been able to silence for a very long time.

Of course repressive tendencies will always lead to an excessive burst of impulses when the time comes and I have been haunted by these impulses. They beg to be paid attention to. So I am here a few minutes before afternoon break is over. Getting myself into the zone of writing. Talking to myself. Listening to myself. Asking myself, "What is it that I really want to say?"

I've been spending an average of 1 hour just trying to get comfortable about blogging. It's crazy. It is the first time I have ever felt conscious about what I write. Five years ago, I wouldn't care less. But so much has happened and I am trying to start all over. I have started more than 5 blogs in my lifetime and never quite stuck to one because of this need to compartmentalize what I write into categories, moods and themes. Each blog feels like a chapter. Recently I started to be a little bit more active in Tumblr. And even in the microblogosphere I can't decide if I want to put everything in one place.

Now I have come to point of trying to understand why I am suddenly feeling the need to synthesize. To integrate. It's suddenly no longer enough that I just collect my favorite random things on the web.

Something needs to come out of what I absorb and gather. Only 15 minutes left till the day finally ends. Absorbing...gathering...absorbing...gathering...