Epiphanies from a Saturday Afternoon Preaching and Captain America

I've been looking through my Facebook groups for the past hour and a half and realized that I have not been so actively involved in them for a while.  Not to mention I have not been so involved with the ministry for a while too.  Despite having served in the last Life in the Spirit seminar, I feel distant from community life because of so many things that are happening in the work place.  It makes me sad that work seems to "take me away" from the life that refreshes me and strengthens my soul to remain steadfast during these moments.

Sometimes I ask myself, "What if I give up?  What if I just stop toiling away everyday and forcing myself to see the good in this environment and just choose the easier path which is to stop and serve the Lord full time?"  I remember when I decided that just right after my business school graduation.  Instead of going on a job hunt, I decided to be a youth minister.  

As much as I want to say that right now would be a good time to do the same and make the same choice, it doesn't quite feel right.  It feels like I would have copped out if I did it.  

Somewhere in between yesterday's rain and Captain America, I was able to receive two messages.  One from a preacher friend and one from Captain America himself.  

My friend George Gabriel is a Kerygma Feast Builder and he just started a new chapter in Fort Bonifacio Global City.  I chanced upon his July 25 preaching just yesterday on my  Facebook newsfeed. Something told me to watch it (obviously I was hungry for inspiration and answers) so I did.  I watched the full length of it which last for about 45 minutes.  I didn't regret making that choice because it made me realize that where I am right now must be where I need to be.  

Sure, I want to serve the Lord full time.  Sure I want to be a inspiring writer.  But I don't think I'll be ready to take on those roles if I have not been able to experience this much discomfort, pruning and sacrifice just so the sharp edges of my character continue to be smoothened out.  As George would say, "I'm not ripe yet."

The Feast BGC (2011-16-07) from The Feast BGC on Vimeo

Last night I decided to watch a movie after many weekends of remaining cooped up in my room trying to figure out this change I'm trying to cope with from all sides.  I decided to watch Captain America and I was inspired by how it reminded me that valor, honor and true strength doesn't come from great skill or power.  

Steve Rogers was a puny little guy who came from the outskirts of Brooklyn.  His life was a series of bullied sequels one after another but he would always say before a fist would drive into his face, "I can do this all day."  

So he joins the army in his dire passion to serve his country and make a difference and finds himself looking face to face at the possibility of being America's hero.  

I'll stop there before I spoil it for you readers.  But just to cap it off, Captain America is a reminder for those who are stuck in the middle of  struggling to keep believing in a dream and the fear of not being enough to handle it.   It is a reminder that every try is worth the effort and one day somebody with wise eyes will see through the make-shift pursuit of your endeavors and find that it is your heart that possess your true gift and that's what matters.

So I embark on another week of battling with the change of responsibilities and accepting that I may not be called to be a writer just yet but that's because I'm called to be a leader first.

Somewhere along those lines, I'll probably end up writing something anyway.