i write to believe.

Catching up on my favorite blogs this Sunday morning.  Finally found the time to do so after almost 2 months of being an unfaithful subscriber.   Most people might ask why I prefer reading what these people write about than have conversations with people around me?  It's true.  I barely have conversations with people around me.  It's ironic because I'm in need of soulful conversation.  It's an unending question and I often leave this question unanswered. But perhaps I'll try answering it now.   I don't spend a lot of time conversing with people around me not because I don't want to but because they don't want to.  Conversations with me would me looking even deeper than what's at the tip of their tongue. Conversations with me would mean feeling things they've discarded or put at the back of their head to be attended to later.  Conversations with me would mean spending hours reveling in the mystery of faith and the soulful delight of watching...

I've been looking through my Facebook groups for the past hour and a half and realized that I have not been so actively involved in them for a while.  Not to mention I have not been so involved with the ministry for a while too.  Despite having served in the last Life in the Spirit seminar, I feel distant from community life because of so many things that are happening in the work place.  It makes me sad that work seems to "take me away" from the life that refreshes me and strengthens my soul to remain steadfast during these moments. Sometimes I ask myself, "What if I give up?  What if I just stop toiling away everyday and forcing myself to see the good in this environment and just choose the easier path which is to stop and serve the Lord full time?"  I remember when I decided that just right after my business school graduation.  Instead of going on a job hunt, I decided to be a youth minister.   As much as I want to say that right now would be a go...

I'm currently reading a novel written by a Filipina who is the first ever Filipina published by Random House.   Samantha Sotto is an online friend .  I met her in Shewrites.com when I was still actively pursuing my writing rhythm early this year.  Unfortunately that has been fluctuating given all the demands of my day job.  But it never stops me from enjoying a good story. I've been looking for a good read for the longest time.  A story that will just hook me in and give me another world to visit.  I'm just on the 25th page of Samantha's book and it's tantalizing.  Just the right amount of anticipation.  The imagery of Europe is magical through the lyrical descriptions in her words.  I want my Saturday to be filled with enjoying every turning of its pages. Sam, you inspire me to keep pursuing writing.  Congratulations on this one! got my copy in national bookstore

The life of grace in each Christian is not superimposed on human reality.  On the contrary, grace penetrates, enriches and perfects human nature.  That is why the Church requires its saints to be heroic in practicing not only the theological virtues but also the moral or human ones; and it is why people who are truly united to God through the theological virtues of faith, hope and love also perfect themselves humanly; they are refined in their relationships with others; they are loyal, affable, well-mannered, generous, sincere, precisely because they have placed all their affections in God. The supernatural order does not overwhelm or destroy the natural order.  The supernatural order lifts up and perfects the natural order, working in a manner which is suitable to its proper dignity and nature.  this is so because both orders proceed from God, who cannot be at odds with himself. Although grace in and of itself can transform people, God normally prefers to have gra...

Give sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate.  But if you do not clear a decent shelter for your sorrow and instead reserve the most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge--from which new sorrows will be born for others--then sorrow will never cease in this world and will multiply.  And if you have given sorrow the space its gentle origins demand, then you may truly say:  life is beautiful and so rich.  So beautiful and so rich that it makes you want to believe in God. - Etty Hillesum

I saw this leaf after I dropped by Starbucks this morning today.  It's the first time I've walked on city streets again.  Almost 3 years of working outside the city, this was a welcome treat.  I mused over a lot of the things I had yet to do and organize.  Planning schedules.  Delivery schedules.  Categorizing image types and final artwork activities.  Taking note of time.  Calculating time.  And there's the usual managing reactions of people you work with.   But, I don't mind.  I'm in a place that definitely feels a lot more liberating than where I was.  I'm using that side of my mind that spent 2 years in business school and yet remained dormant and underutilized for the past 2 years and half.  I'm looking at color almost everyday.   It's not IDEO.  It's not Google.  It's not the biggest creative company in the world and nor can I say that it's truly creative.  But it is as creative as it can get ...

I find myself finally in a moment where I can hear myself and the words that escape me these past few weeks.  I stare at a photo Adi took early in her move to London and it captures me today.  I move so far from the peace that surpasses all understanding when I lose my knowledge of Him. The world is so powerful when it invades my thoughts of what seems to be pressing and urgent.  Piles of work and people to please.  It's a cycle that's never-ending. This week, I pray I will not forget.  Where my strength lies.

So I have simplified this page because I need to sort out a lot of things in my mind.  Too much clutter does not help me de-clutter.  I'm barely a week and a half in my new post and although so much is piling up in just a few days, I can say that I'm feeling quite challenged and excited with this new move.  Handling a business unit is no joke.  There is so much information I have to absorb and learn.  But I am grateful because this opportunity has finally allowed me to practice most of the things I've learned in business school and at the same time see more progress in the line.   It is true then, that what makes a job fulfilling is progress.   It's been hard to measure the progress of my past role.  This does not mean that I've never moved forward but the impact I want has never materialized because of decisions that bottlenecked in the pipeline and has later on been forgotten. The busy-ness of the shop-floor has made me forget about the frust...

It's funny how I'm finding some time to sit and breathe this morning.  Like almost an absurd weight has been lifted from me.  I like talking about color.  I listening to people talk about color.  Yesterday was full of color and I'm realizing that each day has been a preparation of the day after.   I've been relocated to another group and as much as there have been melancholy ponderings and subtle sighs of discontent I have begun to accept that where I am is no longer where I can make a difference.  God moves in mysterious ways and ironically He brings me to a place where I never knew I really wanted to be. In the middle of machines that produce color and transforms blank paper sheets into images that talk and speak of color and words.  Society likes color.  Absence of it is excruciating boredom that makes people restless in wanting their dreams fulfilled.  I have been restless for too long and waiting for answers for too long.  Fightin...