i write to believe.

This was what I was gazing at while I was at mass tonight.  The compassionate eyes.  The faint smile.  They felt real tonight. I felt comforted as I pondered on the words below the painting saying, Jesus I Trust in You.   Mom came home by lunch time today.  Her 6th and final chemotherapy session was over.  I wanted to exclaim a resounding "Yes!" but it seemed to me that she was somber and reflective about everything.  Almost wary that this last cycle was the actual end.  Almost resigned to the probability of not being healed.  I wonder what makes it difficult for some people to cling on to hope?   Tonight, I trust in Him who knows the depth and breadth of every moment in my life. You should not worry too much about adversities. The world is not as powerful as it seems to be; its strength is strictly limited. Know, My daughter, that if your soul is filled with the fire of My pure love, then all difficulties dissipate like fog before t...

I'm in the hospital visiting Mom for her 5th chemotherapy cycle.  She has been here for 2 days because she had to undergo a blood transfusion yesterday before the chemotherapy drugs can be infused.  I spent yesterday in the office to hopefully ignite some of my staff to undergo a creative revolution by planning out our training video for the company's history.  I didn't get much input or enthusiasm.  Apparently they are not used to having their ideas roam free in a creative setting.  I was a little disappointed.  I spent 2 days working on the video script and they are not able to pick it up from there.   I realized that I work better when I am surrounded by people who have a high level of energy and creativity.  Right now, the setting at work isn't quite so.  But I'm not about to be discouraged.  I ran into a status message in Facebook yesterday from one of my staff saying,  People are always blaming their circumstances for what th...

Lunch with parents this Saturday noon ease the tension that has gone on over the past 2 weeks. They tell me they ran into Roger Collantes , who happens to be their friend and my favorite keynote speaker in last HR Philippines convention. In a 20 minute conversation they were able to engage in a hearty and soulful exchange. They tell me he likes my writing and if I need to ask for help on how to write a book, I can go to him. How is it that all these things happen almost consecutively in the past 3 days? 2:43pm. I pick this post up now sitting in my Mom's hospital room as she gets prepared for her 4th chemotherapy cycle. I was pretty happy because while waiting to get checked in I was able to write a few things in my Moleskine while sitting on luggage trolley. It's my first attempt to try writing in a public place after a long time. It surprised me that I barely struggled and realized that as long as I do not keep thinking about what "other people will think" ...

I just finished reading Heather King's latest post "The City: Cavafy" . She writes about her past while recovering from alcoholism. Her words put me into a reverie. Sometimes I still dream of Merrimac Street, and the loft where I spent the darkest years of my alcoholic drinking, where I first experienced the deep, deep loneliness that formed me, where I got sober. I remember my own dark nights and many of them still recur as I write my way to wholeness. I came from a prayer meeting that reminded me of the cross and how it stands to save and not condemn. How the love that bled from tortured flesh, nailed hands and a pierced crown flowed to win my life redeemed. There are days when I am illuminated by these thoughts of faith and the spiritual life. And there are days when they are just empty words mixed with the battle in my head. I remember them tonight because today is one of those days when I feel my faith is working for me. It's one of those unexplainable thi...