i write to believe.

This weekend felt other-worldly.  I was mostly home alone and the weather was cold and raining.  I woke up before dawn on both days for some reason and had time to just take everything in.  The life that went by this past year.  The difficulties and the remaining challenges at its close.  This very moment, my mother is having an operation for incisional hernia and while I was dressing up for work I could not help but stare at my fear in the face.  What if this Christmas won't be a nice and peaceful one?  What if I will get stuck in a job that will stifle the life out of me?  What if the coming year will not bring me new opportunities to look forward to? I looked back at the weekend that I allowed myself to revel in.  Soaked in the words of my books and spent some time looking at travel blogs that showed me a life existing in the big world out there.  I looked at all the things that have happened that felt like an exhausting train ...

Today was one of those days that just reminded me how things can fall into place without much effort at all.  Unforced rhythms of grace.  I'd call it that.  It started with a light conversation with my Mom over breakfast.  Saturday mornings aren't usually cheerful in my household but this morning it was.  We talked about books and how it would be nice to own a small and quaint bookshop and sell titles we'd normally not find in our area.  I immediately thought of all the books I have and how wonderful it would be to have conversations with people who were interested in them.   I love reading.  I've loved it since 5th grade.  But my taste for books have changed over time and now they have narrowed down to a few categories.  Most of the books that move me now are those that touch my spirit.  A novel would occasionally allow for a beautiful escape when days are mostly lived with too much toil and a plane ticket to somewhere it not...

I've been looking through my Facebook groups for the past hour and a half and realized that I have not been so actively involved in them for a while.  Not to mention I have not been so involved with the ministry for a while too.  Despite having served in the last Life in the Spirit seminar, I feel distant from community life because of so many things that are happening in the work place.  It makes me sad that work seems to "take me away" from the life that refreshes me and strengthens my soul to remain steadfast during these moments. Sometimes I ask myself, "What if I give up?  What if I just stop toiling away everyday and forcing myself to see the good in this environment and just choose the easier path which is to stop and serve the Lord full time?"  I remember when I decided that just right after my business school graduation.  Instead of going on a job hunt, I decided to be a youth minister.   As much as I want to say that right now would be a go...

It's funny how I'm finding some time to sit and breathe this morning.  Like almost an absurd weight has been lifted from me.  I like talking about color.  I listening to people talk about color.  Yesterday was full of color and I'm realizing that each day has been a preparation of the day after.   I've been relocated to another group and as much as there have been melancholy ponderings and subtle sighs of discontent I have begun to accept that where I am is no longer where I can make a difference.  God moves in mysterious ways and ironically He brings me to a place where I never knew I really wanted to be. In the middle of machines that produce color and transforms blank paper sheets into images that talk and speak of color and words.  Society likes color.  Absence of it is excruciating boredom that makes people restless in wanting their dreams fulfilled.  I have been restless for too long and waiting for answers for too long.  Fightin...

I am up early updating Facebook discussions about this art foundation idea and quite enthralled really by the articles I have been reading about Artists for Humanity. Susan Rodgerson hits the nail on the head. I have almost the same vision as hers except I am coming from a different angle. In one article she says, "I wanted to use my love of working with youth to empower them through the same process that had empowered me." It's amazing how resonating with somebody can do for your own liberation. Anyway, I have posted on that FB discussion a response to Rodgerson's viewpoint saying, "I was disempowered from a process I knew empowered me. I want to reclaim this empowerment because I know what it feels like to live without it and protect this empowerment that I knew inherently belongs to young people at a stage where they are at their peak in creative development." The impulse to create again comes alive in this very small unearthing of possibilities provi...

I'm picking up momentum by looking through models of these art foundations that I know already exist around the world. But so far I have not seen a model quite like Artists for Humanity that captures exactly what I feel is an unattended need in my own country. Seldom does the need for art get recognized. Intangible things like this always end up in the back burner. Things that move society like art, philosophy, faith are dealt with in a passive way compared to economics, investment, or business outsourcing. But there seems to be a new uprising of corporate social responsibility initiatives in the area of environmental management. Talks on sustainability and development are slowly being heard because of the extreme experiences of climate change. Could there be some kind of awakening? A different kind of renaissance? I would like to think so. In the attempt to slow my mind down and get ready to hit the sack I think about this talk by Susan Rodgerson. I let it sink in. Reso...

via takethesun It didn't feel like I got home early tonight. No. But I really did get home at 7pm and was supposed to dive into reading my new books. I was delighted to see Jack Kerouac's Windblown World on the outer shelf of Powerbooks when I dropped by after work. But I ended up talking to Jarro about the art foundation. Sooner or later I'm going to have to face my thoughts about this dream that has been gestating inside me for the longest time. For now, here's a bit of a preview. I am captivated by the idea of providing opportunities to young people who are not financially capable to reach their dreams of producing and creating art. Not financially capable to study in an art school. Not supported by their parents in pursuing education to perfect their craft. Not guided by their parents in reaching for their dreams. I want to help them find their way. Because I think we need more artists who can make sense and find the cosmos in the chaos of this world.