i write to believe.

The streaming music from Ann Voskamp's website plays on repeat.  It soothes me tonight as I wait for my mind to uncoil after a long day of trying to figure out solutions to the problems in the workplace.  I have no definite answers in hand.  All I have are more questions and the fading of strength as I try to renew my mind and overcome the worldliness of needing to achieve something.  Trying to learn how to let go of that compulsion of "figuring something out".  Learning how to accept that some battles are not meant to be won just now.   We barely achieved much today but explaining that to those whose hawk eyes are unrelenting as they pass our floor to and fro is quite a feat.  So today I try to close in a prayerful disposition and lift up those who are hard to get along and convince that people did work hard today.  The mishaps occur because it is normal for teams to have a difficult time especially when everybody is trying to adjust. ...

Life stories have been coming very slow as of late.  This week was filled with many unexpected things.  It all started when I said yes to playing as a keyboardist for our church's Youth Ministry again.  The rhythm started to change I was flooded with work as well as church work.   This is a very significant thing in my life as I continue to strike balance between the secular and the sacred.  I realized that being absent from kingdom work has imbalanced me greatly but at the same time has been mortification for the self-focused motivations of a weak youth minister such as myself.   Saying yes to that prodding this year has probably been the most terrifying things I've ever done but at the same time it has been one of the liberating ones.  It's renewed my definition of who I really am which I am slowly and painfully accepting.  But as I cut away the excess fat of my personality I am beginning to seek a clearer understanding of who I am in God's li...