i write to believe.

The day started at 5:00am.  Saint Peter's square was dimly lit and graced with the cold air of autumn. I counted cobblestones till we reached our place of waiting.  Our tour guide Massimo was confident that this was going to be the gate that would be opened first by 8:00am.  45 pilgrims from Bus number 5 walked eagerly up the railing that divided the rest of the square from the much desired seat quadrants near the Basilica's steps. There was a silent anticip ation.   "Anybody want coffee?"  M assimo calls out.  He comes back with a liter of espresso poured into a plastic bottle and passed around small paper cups.  A cheer cuts through the silence and we merrily sipped what we can from the deliciously hot coffee that warmed our moments of waiting. I stood there and stared at the wide area of St. Peter's.  Seven portraits of Saints hung on the entrance of the basilica.  To the far left was our Saint Pedro Calungsod. ...

Last night I was with some of the young people from our Youth Apostolate and I asked one of them a few questions about why they like being in Youth Ministry.   She paused and gazed at a spot beneath the tree.   "I like the care circles.  I learn a lot from other young people when they share what they've been through.  Then I realize stuff that I haven't understood because I had a different perspective."   I'm musing about young people today because I've been a youth minister for the past 6 years or so and while I think to myself that young people seem to be different now than before I stop and pause.  Young people now take time to articulate what they want to say in person because they fear the judgment of adults.  They seem apprehensive to open up their thoughts because they fear it will be insignificant or irrelevant.  They would rather express themselves to a certain few because the comfort of acceptance is less risky and the word...

Today is the memorial of St. John of the Cross .  I've started reading about him and his well known work "Dark Night of the Soul" in 2005 after experiencing my own fragments of the night from a series of broken relationships.   It was then when I went on an extreme search for truth that I only began to find in the realities of everyday suffering.  When I say suffering it doesn't mean blood and gore.  That "everyday suffering" of having to bear the discomfort of your inability to withstand certain things like: another person's noise, like the traffic in the highway, like the irritating countenance of a family member, like the work day that passed without fulfillment.   It was through him that I realized how "suffering" is not actually some kind of "punishment"  that belittles us or renders us unworthy of something better.  This "suffering" that the "dark night" makes us go through is something that makes us ...

I'm awake unusually early and have decided to get ready to leave for work.  Yesterday was quite uneventful.  Experienced losing my center entirely and just let myself drown in the abyss of all thoughts.  Scrambled my way back by focusing on St. Ignatius rules on spiritual discernment. St. Ignatius of Loyola The feelings stirred up by good and evil spirits are called “consolation” and “desolation” in the language of Ignatian spirituality.   Spiritual consolation is an experience of being so on fire with God’s love that we feel impelled to praise, love, and serve God and help others as best as we can. Spiritual consolation encourages and facilitates a deep sense of gratitude for God’s faithfulness, mercy, and companionship in our life. In consolation, we feel more alive and connected to others.   Spiritual desolation, in contrast, is an experience of the soul in heavy darkness or turmoil. We are assaulted by all sorts of doubts, bombarded by temptations, an...

wrapping words and finding phrases somewhere inside my room I never thought I'd reach the 1,001 reader mark in just about 3 months.  I was telling myself that I should not even look at this counter because it is not a measure of progress but of course, I can't help it.  Anything that measure any kind of progress should be affirming right?   I'm not sure about those who flip through my pages but I hope those who drop by here find a little bit of breathing space in one way or another.   So thank you dear readers, for visiting me and making this journey worthwhile.  I find it encouraging that anybody out there would even want to read these words.  It tells me that all is not lost.  That there is a purpose.  That life moves on.  That heaven watches and grace is enough. I'm sitting at my desk and just finished a report for a 3 hour meeting tomorrow.  I want to be able to write about some of my discoveries at work as of late.  Pe...